REAL BREAST CANCER AWARENESS

I hope every time they open the door of the beautiful homes we have bought for them, they will think of the millions...not millions of dollars they are extracting in my name (and people like me), but of all the millions of people who are donating their lives so they can enjoy the comforts of that home. All the beautiful, feminine bodies they are mutilating so they can eat their fine foods and drink their fine wines. This one's for you, all you who still treat cancer with the same methods used to treat my grandmother a half a century ago...for I am sure you will never come up with anything like what the other countries are doing to at least sustain or give better quality of life. Here's to all the children you are leaving abandoned, who will never know the security of mommy's embrace, or have mommy to comfort them again. Here is to the only country left on the face of the earth that still mutilates its women rather than trying to allow an actual cure.

Here is my story, and why I hope to make a difference in my lifetime.

While doing a self-breast exam, I happened to find a lump in the left breast. First instinct, "that's strange. I wonder what that could be." Nobody ever thinks cancer will happen to him or her. I was a single, missionary mom, who used to spend all my time helping others, and teaching dance. I was an international choreographer, living in alumni housing at a Bible College campus when the management had just changed. They had decided they would no longer except rent payments the way previously allowed, so I was told to move. This sudden move made me shift gears from the lump I had found to survival mode to find a new home for my two children and me. It was about 2 months later before I could deal with the lump issue. When I did finally could to do something, I found I did not qualify for the county hospital assistance, as I had child support and a job. I did not have insurance or medical coverage, and since I worked for my church, did not make enough money to see a doctor. So I found a popular place, referred to from a church friend, called the Bridge Breast Network, who took people in my situation in. They did a mammogram, and found a lump in the breast and in the lymph node. They then did a needle biopsy. I waited for what seemed to be an eternity for the results. Finally, I came in and was seated in a room. The words left me in shock. "I'm sorry, but the tumor in your breast is malignant." I didn't find out until later that the one under my arm was also malignant (in the lymph node). That was it, they dropped the bomb on me and left me there, with no way to pay for medical treatment, now that I was told I had cancer, but I was allowed to see a volunteer surgeon.

After this, I was set up with an appointment with a surgeon, to read my prognosis to me and give me her definition of my fate. Squamis cells, the most aggressive cancer, not able to operate, and we cannot treat your walking pneumonia before doing treatments, so it will be very difficult to treat. We must do immediately 9 rounds of radical chemo. "What are my chances of survival?" "Cannot make any promises". The rest of the conversation is only worse. The fear overwhelmed me and I nearly fainted. I could barely walk, and could not think. I was blinded with fear. My heart pounded so hard for the next several hours that I thought I would lose my mind. Of course, I could not eat. No need to, the fear fed the cancer greatly. My children...? I could not deal with the intensity of the situation. Of course, when asking for any alternatives, the surgeon let me know that there is no other way. What about all the alternatives in Mexico? "All those who run off to Mexico, die, all of them!" was my response. There were so many horrible things said to me, I cannot begin to write them all here, but I can say that anyone who has been where I was, and got the advice I did for treatment, knows that nobody eagerly stands in line to sign up for that sort of program. Do I think they should make empty promises and lie? Absolutely not! But there should definitely be a more tasteful way of approaching someone with this sort of news. A good part of the devastation comes from the way it is all delivered.

So there I was. The fear was killing me as much or worse than the cancer itself. My friend, Carole, and my children, Angel and Sarah, were with me, and encouraged me greatly. When I prayed, I began to see that the fear was killing me faster than the sickness itself. I had been pressured that there was no time to lose; and it came across to me that the cancer was going to spread so fast; it would kill me tomorrow, if I didn't do anything right away. But even when I tried to do something right away, no doors opened for me. I was put in a state of panic and extreme fear, and tried to get in to see someone right away, but could not get an appointment. The red tape was incredible! I could not get people to return phone calls; appointments were cancelled and rescheduled, then cancelled again. Three months went by; when I finally was told that I no longer qualified for Bridge Breast Network. Can you imagine being in that state of mind for 3 months, and nobody will give you a straight answer? There is more that goes to that story, but there is so much in all of this, that I want to be able to get on to the next subject.

Another friend of mine, Kerry, helped me to realize that I was allowing the fear to control me. I had to back off and get myself under control again. I always encourage people that when they are first told about cancer, do not fall prey to fear and panic. Allow yourself time to separate yourself, pray and think. If you allow these things to dominate you, you will more than likely make a decision you will regret the rest of your life. You do not have to make a decision immediately!

Next came all the meaning well friends, who all became "experts" on the subject of healing cancer. I was cautioned, lectured, handed videos, enemas and other health products, all claiming theirs was the best and only way to not having cancer. I was shown every sort of diet imaginable. So started my journey into having to make a choice. It was apparent that neither the BBN nor the county hospital was going to help me, as I did not qualify for any of their programs, so I had to find some other way of taking care of my dilemma. I was one of the unfortunate ones who slipped through the cracks of society. There are programs for the poor and homeless, and the ex-husbands supported their ex-wives in the manner in which they have been accustomed to living, but for the middle class American woman, there was nothing available. I made too much money to be supported by the government, not enough money to get a doctor, and my job did not provide social security withholding, much less insurance.

I began to search the Internet for more knowledge of my illness and for help of my situation. I researched cancer, the top "cures and success stories, and found the following 2 to have the best success rates: The Issels vaccine and IPT (Insulin Potentiality Therapy). There were many other successful treatments I found which were not allowed in this country, which were not accepted by the AMA (American Medical Association) - a name most, if not all, cancer patients (and other seriously ill people) have come to know and despise. With the success rates and testimonials they had from the actual patients of these other treatments, it begged the question answered, "why not in the U/S.?" Further research showed that the "option" I was offered through the county hospital (if I ever became eligible) was no different than what was offered to my grandmother and my mother before me.

Our billions of dollars in research have advanced us only to find the cancer gene in our daughters ahead of time. Guess what the cure is for that great research project? Daughters all over the United States are now lining up to have their female organs and breasts removed, sometimes even before they ever have a family - so to avoid being taken out by breast cancer later in life. America is taking out her children before they are even conceived now. A woman has a right to her femininity and the gift to have children. If you are a praying man or woman, the thoughts of dismemberment, mutilations and removal of reproductive organs as a "cure" should put chills up and down your spine. Yet, this is the considered possible "cure" and a result of all the monies you and I have given to find it. It is so hard to believe what we are doing to our women (and men) who have breast and other cancer. We could simply allow the cancer treatments, which are working in other countries, to be brought into this country, but somehow we've gotten the idea it is much better to dissect our bodies or fry them with chemo and radiation. People should have the right to their choice of cancer treatment, but it is not going to happen as long as everybody continues to pile money into an empty jar of research.

One huge empty spot has not been filled in all of the monies being spent on "research", and that is that there are no places for people like me to go. I was wealthy at one time. Through abuse, I divorced, got child support and a job. When my ex-husband was given a child support raise, he took me back to court to take our children away. With no money for the type of attorney he has, I am about to lose custody. Without children, with cancer and a house full of furniture and such, I do not qualify for temporary housing. My health is used against me, and there is no organization to defend women in my situation. The rest of my story is further down, but the horror became reality that I may be on the street for the crime of having cancer. Even with Section 8, nothing is promised for about 2 years. I am told I do not have 2 years to get help. The point in this statement is that there are no homes for people like me to go to. I have a vision to have a place like this, but it will take money to do something like this. My dream would be to get a couple of places where women with or without children could go and get the cancer treatments they want - and deserve. The only way this dream could become a reality is if we had some way of being funded. That money should go to help people as well as for research - not to pad their pockets. The treatments that are actually helping should not only be allowed in the United States and also approved by the AMA, but there should be foundations set up to allow people to tap into those actual cures and improvements of life.

According to some doctors I have spoken to, the "conventional" methods of treatment are best because allegedly the U.S. requires that all methods be safe and proven before they are allowed to be administered. I say, how safe is radical chemo, when it destroys all the good cells along with the bad? The methods used are not safe at all, but the only thing we presently have that are near to effective in any sense. Even if the treatments do not kill us, the after effects most likely will, and the cancer, we are told, will come back. I was also told that there have been many new drugs developed as well. I say, if you look at the follow-up, you will find they kill just as effectively as the old drugs, so what have we gained after all? Just as many people are dying from the new methods as from the old - what good are they?

If the argument is then that the other treatments from other countries are actually helping to save and/or giving quality of life, why are they not allowed in the U.S.? Why are treatments like the Issels vaccine not allowed in the United States? Why do we have to go to other countries to get help? I called a place that had administered a vaccine, but found I had to go to another country to get it. The problem made the cost of it way too high for me to afford anyway. Another method was introduced to me: IPT. Insulin is used as a "potentiator" (it targets the cancer cells rather than the good and bad cells) with low dose chemo. It has no horrible side effects. I had decided that IPT would be my choice of therapy.

With all my savings, a round of small church donations and that from friends as well, I headed off to Mexico to get my first set of treatments of IPT. I received these treatments through an amazing doctor, who is the third generation of "IPT"

Dr. Donato Perez Garcia, III, is the grandson of the same who had invented this treatment. A wonderful Pastor and his family in San Diego and Tijuana, allowed me to stay with them for the next several months, once a month, for about a week at a time, to get the treatments

Although the process was slow, the tumor in the breast was dissolving. The problem with cancer is that it is very tricky and you never know what it will do. As the tumor dissolved in the breast, it relocated into the lymph node and that began to form tumors. Then we got that under control. The tumor in the breast was almost gone, and the ones in the lymph nodes (the hardest to deal with), were doing much better. The pain was very little and I had no hair loss or vomiting, although my body did go through some changes adjusting to all the medicines new to it, at first. The confidence and wonderful humanitarian Dr. Donato is, the fears soon dissipated, and I felt life in me once again. I felt life in my body again. My Christian family would take me to the oceanfront and for family outings, and really spent time loving me into health as well. Support is so vital during this time.

Meanwhile, back home, other things were developing. Here is where all the hell starts to break loose, and the cancer patient becomes a cancer victim, when family and friends split over what form of treatment should be given. Here is where the person who has cancer starts to go through a living nightmare over his or her decision for treatment. My Pastor would call me yelling at me to get the "conventional" treatment. He would tell me they were going to find me dead in my trailer (manufactured home) if I didn't do it his way. Never once did I get a call from him wanting to pray for me or see if I needed anything. Unfortunately, although we have made decisions based on much research and investigations, and our loved ones are usually totally ignorant of the disease, they will try to tell you what they want, albeit, in their ignorance. I have friends, whose husbands and other loved ones did the same to them. From what I understand, all cancer people go through this to some extent, and it is so difficult to live with. I wish people would just allow us to make a decision on our own. After all, wouldn't you feel badly if you made the wrong decision for a loved one, and they died because of it? What do you think they would think if they were dying, knowing they were doing so due to a bad decision you made for them? Even further, how do you think they would feel knowing you know you were the one who made the bad decision? I know I could not die in peace, knowing a loved one was grieving over a wrong decision like this. Please don't put that on us. We each only have one life to live, so let us do so with what dignity we have left, of what the cancer does not take away from us. Do friends and loved ones forsake and leave you? You bet. I was bullied out of my church by my Pastor and some of his friends. This was the only family I had, as most of my family is deceased or unknown in whereabouts. My children and I were all devastated. As of yet, I do not have a family church home. It is only part of the isolation I have experienced from cancer.

The Results of Cancer

While taking my treatments, I met many other hurting people, who had been "victimized" by the U.S. cancer system - or the lack of it. Beautiful women who had had mastectomies and other of their body parts cut off or removed in various ways. It is a hard and horrifying story to listen to. People from many parts of the U.S. are having to come to Mexico for treatments. All of these ladies are now cancer free, thanks to the IPT treatments. Do all cancer patients survive with IPT? If there is a definite "cure" for cancer, I suppose that doctor would be very rich and famous, so the answer is "no". But this is an alternative that does produce better results than what is offered and administered here in the States, and especially by the county hospitals. Our hospitals here are ovens for cancer holocaust victims. We have become experiments and if we do qualify for the county hospital help, our time is merely up and we need to accept it. Our "expert" research has finally joined the other countries who have figured out that low dose chemo is far better than radical, yet our county hospitals and many others with them, still practice this grueling method of treatment, knowing the after effects, should their victims survive it.

The effects and results of cancer do not start and stop with treatments. In order, here is what happened with me:

1. Terrifying fear placed in me that I would die, no matter what.

2. No treatment could be found for me, as I did not qualify for anything.

3. After the treatment money ran out, I had only my working salary to depend on.

4. My ex-husband decided to take our children away, so there was the horror of watching the court take his side and watching my children being taken from me, and them going through the terrible trauma of being taken from me.

5. My child support was taken all of a sudden, so my children and I lost our home. They were forced to live with someone who had hurt them and neglected them all their lives (their father).

6. My Pastor decided I should no longer work at the church, so my treatment money was taken.

7. I am now living in temporary housing, on food stamps, but my disability and section 8 housing will not kick in for months, housing for about 2 years. That will leave me homeless. My ex-husband is trying to keep me from our children.

8. Although there is now IPT in the United States, it is still not acknowledged by the AMA so it is extremely expensive. I would love to go back to Mexico, where it is less expensive, but it takes a lot of money to fly out there, money for treatments and medications, etc. Airline flights like Angel Flight and such do not help unless you are going to a recognized cancer institute, which, if I had that kind of money, I would not need their services.

To say the least, my treatments had to be stopped, and that after they had done so well. My ex-husband is trying to make it impossible for me to be with our children, and I have about 1 month left to live in this temporary housing. All shelters have requirements that I do not meet, and I have an apartment full of expensive furniture and belongings, of which I cannot afford to store. This is a terrible time for my children and me, and it is a result of this disease called cancer.

When I go to the grocery stores, and see the jars and containers at the check out, to donate to breast cancer research, and the commercials "give to the cause", I have to fight bitterness very much. To whose cause are they giving? There are no programs to help people like me. Shelters will not take women without children, and who have cancer. There is no quality of life program offered to anyone having to live this nightmare. So think of that next time you plunk your spare change into the jar, or write the big checks for "the cause". The only thing that fat check is going to do is give you a tax deduction, and help some research person pay for another penthouse. I would ask you, however, that when you see one of those containers or events, please offer a prayer for me, my children, and others like me, who really need that money, that is being gathered in our name and pray that somehow, someway, that money might actually help meet our needs. Thank you.

Sincerely,

"Sonshine"

UPDATES: Many of you have written me emails wanting updates. I know how I have lauded IPT, and I still believe it can help many; However, looking back, I should have sought a surgeon and went ahead and had the lump removed immediately. The thing is that with IPT, I met so many people who have actually been helped and saved themselves from having surgery, that I was hoping it would be for me as well. Although it did help, the lump did not disolve small enough, and then I ran out of money. Another thing you have to consider is how independantly wealthy you are or are not, like, how many treatments are you going to be able to afford before you say "Okay, am I willing to go through my total savings or sell my house, although I have no guarantee that this is going to be the treatment that will save me." So then, it is a personal decision.

Looking back, the other thing I remember is that Parkland did not want to do surgery, so there really was not much of a choice left anyway. I had to do something. Through Medicaid, I had been sent a letter saying I was eligible for a program which would use Amerigroup insurance. This gives some of us a change to use a real doctor who has an opening for people like me. So I have 2 AWESOME oncology doctors now. One for chemo and the other for radiation. They both have been furious at Parkland for their failure to help me. The Parkland "doctors" told me they could not do surgery on me nor radiation. Some excuse was given like it had something to do with the kind of cancer it is. My new doctors could not believe what I told them. I have since had radiation and am set for surgery December 9, 2004. My new doctors were furious at these other doctors, and told me there is no guarantee that I will not die of breast cancer now, however, they felt they had to at least try to help me.

So, I had experienced tumors all over the left breast, then after radiation, first degree burn all over the breast tumors, under-arms (lymph nodes), skin peely and bleeding, for the skin coming off. Everyone in the world, it seemed, took picturs of the tumors, as they had never seen anything like it. I am still trying to get them to send the pictures to me via email so I can place them on this website. Many have promised, but as of yet, nobody has done so. Keep checking back, as I might get them, and post them. It looks a bit different now, as the tumors have gone down, and only the sores remain, along with the burn and holes, bleeding, etc. Only G-D could give me strength for this, the pain and the horrible thing I've had to endure.

So now, it's endless doctors, tests, etc., and as I've mentioned above, surgery December 9th. I will look somewhat like the picture above, no breast. They want to take a muscle out of my back, and skin grafts from various places in effort to put me back together after removing all the cancer (which I am trusting G-D they will get it all, and it will only be on my breast and under-arm.) I will try to keep this up as much as possible. After surgery, however, I am told I will have tubes in me and won't be using my left arm or doing much for awhile. I still need financial help, especially around Christmas. I have emailed people for an Angel Tree or any help to give my children a good Christmas. So far, only one person has replied. Thanks for your prayers for us at this time.

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